Today, I write for many reasons, the main being how very overwhelmed the world is making me feel. While I consider myself a resilient person, I am finding it very difficult of late. It is hard to bounce back to happy/normal/quasi normal when the world keeps throwing curve balls (at your face).
Today, I found out that my position has been cut. While I have been dealing with this probability for several weeks now, today it was made unofficially official (school politics, huh?). The school district has come up with a spending plan and I am not in it. Correction. I should clarify. My position is not in it. While some may argue semantics here, there is a difference. They are not pointing to me say "We don't like you, go away". The money to support my being there is just gone.
Like I said, I have been dealing with this for several weeks and while I am definitely very sad about it, I know that such is life. But, for some reason, today it bothers me a great deal. I think the reasoning behind it has very little to do with my job in particular. I am mad at the stance education has had to take. When did education become unimportant to people? Why are schools even allowed to struggle with funding? We sit and complain that other nations are surpassing us by leaps and bounds. What is our solution? Oh, we cut funding. Budget deficits? Shoot, better take it from education. I mean, who needs to fund education? What good could investing in the education of our future possible have?
One thing that really irks me is how quick some are to take away opportunities from today's youth. They say things like "they don't need that". Well, that is easy for you to say, you were given that opportunity. Must be nice to decide that someone else does not need to be granted the same opportunities you were. No, these future generations should instead be punished because of the decisions others have made on their behalf. We wonder why teens are so lethargic and apathetic; we don't give them much credit, responsibilities or opportunity. People just assume they can't, they won't, or they don't need to. The more teens hear that, the more they believe it. If no one has faith in them, why even bother trying?
Also adding to my macabre mood is the tragedy that happened in Boston. I cannot wrap my head around it. I do not think there is anything to wrap my head around. It is awful, terrible, and many more adjectives that I could list on and on. I hope they catch who did it. I also hope the people injured are more resilient than I at this moment. While part of me wants to hear the motive, I know I won't understand it. I am incapable of understanding purposefully harming any individual. It is beyond my reasoning skills.
On days like today, I really miss my Gramma. It has been over three months since she passed away, but I still want to reach for the phone just to hear her voice. I want to hear her say how she will pray for me to get a new job, and that it will all work out. She always made me feel better, even if I didn't deserve it.
You deserve the world and she would have told you that
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