I am definitely one of those people who get very excited over possibilities, no matter how far fetched they may be. Today's excitement is the possibility of me getting a new job! There is a local(ish) school hiring for a new English teacher and I am sending out my application tomorrow.
Now, some might say "You haven't even sent in your application yet, why are you getting excited?" I just do. I get excited at new possibilities all the time. The slightest hint of something new and positive gets my blood stirring in the hopeful way that makes one excited. This, I feel, is a fantastic way of viewing life. However, it does come with its negative: The part where things do not work out so well.
When I was first applying to teaching jobs three years ago, this happened quite often. I would go to an interview, it would go really well, and I would walk away thinking "Boom, crushed it!". Then I would get the phone call "I'm sorry, it came down to you and another candidate, and we have decided to go with the other candidate." SO MANY TIMES this happened. Trust me, I didn't always take it so well. More than one pint of Ben and Jerry's Phish Food met it's inevitable death at the hands of my spoon and feelings of remorse.
Since then, I have learned to deal slightly better with rejection. I mean, no one likes being rejected. It sucks. Someone out there is like "Sorry, you just aren't good enough". Sometimes it's a boy/girl, a job, a little kid who won't return your wave; it all stings. But, trust me, no amount of ice cream will make you feel better. In fact, it will instead only make you feel fatter, which will make you feel worse, and thus you enter a viscous circle.
Moving on, I hope I get this job. It is a good district, close to home and family, and my husband and I could keep on keeping on here in our little home. In a year or two (or four...), we might even be able to start a family. So, I am keeping my fingers crossed and looking above. And, of course, squirming with excitement and hope.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
2013 Continues as the Year of the Suck
Today, I write for many reasons, the main being how very overwhelmed the world is making me feel. While I consider myself a resilient person, I am finding it very difficult of late. It is hard to bounce back to happy/normal/quasi normal when the world keeps throwing curve balls (at your face).
Today, I found out that my position has been cut. While I have been dealing with this probability for several weeks now, today it was made unofficially official (school politics, huh?). The school district has come up with a spending plan and I am not in it. Correction. I should clarify. My position is not in it. While some may argue semantics here, there is a difference. They are not pointing to me say "We don't like you, go away". The money to support my being there is just gone.
Like I said, I have been dealing with this for several weeks and while I am definitely very sad about it, I know that such is life. But, for some reason, today it bothers me a great deal. I think the reasoning behind it has very little to do with my job in particular. I am mad at the stance education has had to take. When did education become unimportant to people? Why are schools even allowed to struggle with funding? We sit and complain that other nations are surpassing us by leaps and bounds. What is our solution? Oh, we cut funding. Budget deficits? Shoot, better take it from education. I mean, who needs to fund education? What good could investing in the education of our future possible have?
One thing that really irks me is how quick some are to take away opportunities from today's youth. They say things like "they don't need that". Well, that is easy for you to say, you were given that opportunity. Must be nice to decide that someone else does not need to be granted the same opportunities you were. No, these future generations should instead be punished because of the decisions others have made on their behalf. We wonder why teens are so lethargic and apathetic; we don't give them much credit, responsibilities or opportunity. People just assume they can't, they won't, or they don't need to. The more teens hear that, the more they believe it. If no one has faith in them, why even bother trying?
Also adding to my macabre mood is the tragedy that happened in Boston. I cannot wrap my head around it. I do not think there is anything to wrap my head around. It is awful, terrible, and many more adjectives that I could list on and on. I hope they catch who did it. I also hope the people injured are more resilient than I at this moment. While part of me wants to hear the motive, I know I won't understand it. I am incapable of understanding purposefully harming any individual. It is beyond my reasoning skills.
On days like today, I really miss my Gramma. It has been over three months since she passed away, but I still want to reach for the phone just to hear her voice. I want to hear her say how she will pray for me to get a new job, and that it will all work out. She always made me feel better, even if I didn't deserve it.
Today, I found out that my position has been cut. While I have been dealing with this probability for several weeks now, today it was made unofficially official (school politics, huh?). The school district has come up with a spending plan and I am not in it. Correction. I should clarify. My position is not in it. While some may argue semantics here, there is a difference. They are not pointing to me say "We don't like you, go away". The money to support my being there is just gone.
Like I said, I have been dealing with this for several weeks and while I am definitely very sad about it, I know that such is life. But, for some reason, today it bothers me a great deal. I think the reasoning behind it has very little to do with my job in particular. I am mad at the stance education has had to take. When did education become unimportant to people? Why are schools even allowed to struggle with funding? We sit and complain that other nations are surpassing us by leaps and bounds. What is our solution? Oh, we cut funding. Budget deficits? Shoot, better take it from education. I mean, who needs to fund education? What good could investing in the education of our future possible have?
One thing that really irks me is how quick some are to take away opportunities from today's youth. They say things like "they don't need that". Well, that is easy for you to say, you were given that opportunity. Must be nice to decide that someone else does not need to be granted the same opportunities you were. No, these future generations should instead be punished because of the decisions others have made on their behalf. We wonder why teens are so lethargic and apathetic; we don't give them much credit, responsibilities or opportunity. People just assume they can't, they won't, or they don't need to. The more teens hear that, the more they believe it. If no one has faith in them, why even bother trying?
Also adding to my macabre mood is the tragedy that happened in Boston. I cannot wrap my head around it. I do not think there is anything to wrap my head around. It is awful, terrible, and many more adjectives that I could list on and on. I hope they catch who did it. I also hope the people injured are more resilient than I at this moment. While part of me wants to hear the motive, I know I won't understand it. I am incapable of understanding purposefully harming any individual. It is beyond my reasoning skills.
On days like today, I really miss my Gramma. It has been over three months since she passed away, but I still want to reach for the phone just to hear her voice. I want to hear her say how she will pray for me to get a new job, and that it will all work out. She always made me feel better, even if I didn't deserve it.
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